Do I take things personally because I lack confidence
Or is the self something that knows
Every little barb
I am not good enough
Every jab
I need to do more
Every angry word
Deserved.
How can I fix something
That is constantly ripped down
When I crucify myself
It is too far
Too hard on myself
I start to believe
Then you say what I’ve thought
Out loud
Matter of fact
Like I should already know
How do I get better
When I just keep feeling worse?
I fear I’ve become
Incorrectly attached
What am I doing?
Should I keep on course
Or check my speed,
Or should I bury the needle
And find where this leads
Isn’t that why they say
Falling head over heels?
You don’t have much of a choice
Do or die.
I’m not sure
However
If I should simply die
Let this fascination sink
To the bottom
Of my sea of emotions
I’ve been attached before
I say it’s not the same
But am I lying to myself?
It feels different
A different kind of want
I don’t want you to notice me
Talk to me
Be interested
Because you already are
Instead I crave
Hearing your voice
For I could listen to that
All day
I want to make you smile
To brighten your day
I wish to help you sleep
And never see you weep
I want to lay my head
Down upon your chest
Feel safe in your embrace
I want your comfort
To take strength in your lack of fears
I want to look pretty
For your enjoyment
I want you to see me
Understand me
Know me
… and love me?
For who I am
You’ve got to see all of me though
You’ve seen the normal-esc side
You’ve not seen hyper me
Rhyming me, happy me,
Crazy me, excited me,
Theatre me, sarcastic me,
Writer me, mean me,
Angry me, funny me,
Sad me, stupid me
You’ve seen an averaging of all
But never when I slide
All the way into one
Will you accept all of these
when you see them?
Every time I see you
I seem to lose my tongue
It’s not a common problem
And there’s nothing to be done
I spend so much time
In attempted relocation
That I don’t even worry
About more than a salutation
Sometimes I get silly
Or I manage to feel comfy
And we’ll start to become chummy
You’ll get a conversation from me
Not sure you feel the way I do
It’s probably for the best
‘Cause if you’d ask me out
I can’t even say yes!
“This rather simple epitaph can save your hide, your falling mind
Fate isn’t what we’re up against there’s no design, no flaws to find”
“In truth the forest hears each sound
Each blade of grass as it lies down
The world requires no audience
No witnesses, no witnesses”
“Dumbed down and numbed by time and age
Your dreams the catch, the world the cage
The highway sets the traveler’s stage
All exits look the same”
“Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you’ll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast”
“I met a man today and he smiled back at me
Now there are thoughts like these that keep me on my feet, that keep me on my feet.”
“Call it one drink too many
Call it pride of a man
But it don’t make no difference if you sit or you stand
‘Cause they both end in trouble and start with a grin”
“Your clever eyes could easily disguise
Some backwards purpose
It’s enough to make me nervous.
Do you harbor sighs, or spit in my eye”
“Oh and I’ve been looking since the day, since the day you parted,
But you don’t find happiness when you’re searching for it,
And I might of realized, I was wasting precious time, but I never had the chance to change the battery’s in my watch.
“Howling ghosts they reappear
In mountains that are stacked with fear
But you’re a king and I’m a lionheart.
So hold on.
Hold on to what we are.
Hold on to your heart.”
“A whirlwind came into my life and he tried to rescue me
will you come, will you go
will you tell seriously”
“Take hold of my hand
And I’ll do what I can
To make everything right
At least for tonight”
“You’ll never sink when you are with me, oh Lord, like the Dead Sea
Woah I’m like the Dead Sea, the finest words you ever said to me,
Honey can’t you see, I was born to be, be your Dead Sea”
“You can take the sunshine, I can take the moonshine
You can take the high road, I can take the low
but later in the evening the one thing I believe in is
I’m on the road to ruin it’s the only way to go”
“Lend me your hand and we’ll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I’ll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
And where you invest your love, you invest your life”
“In the leaves where the trees grow like water in the sea
Nature speaks to me
Something salty, Something sweet
I am naked in the dark
With my eyelids shining like flashlights
In the mist of our dirty playtime
And for the meantime
We are echoes of spring time”
“Lying in your attic
I can feel the static
The storm has broken, Heavens open
So electrifying, Oh I’m nearly flying
Lost my heart between
the sheets of lightening”
“Twisting burning, my thoughts turning, back to you again
Sweet thing, take me to the end”
“I’ve lusted for love but lust is so blind
And trust for a heart is a hard thing to find
But what’s left of yours might help to heal mine”
“I hope that I don’t sound too insane when I say
There is darkness all around us
I don’t feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me
And reconnect me to the beauty that I’m missing”
“Last night I dreamt the whole night long
I woke with a head full of songs
I spent the whole day
I wrote ‘em down but its a shame
tonight I’ll burn the lyrics
cause every chorus was your name”
“And all the stars were crashing ’round
As I laid eyes on what I’d found
Now I helped her
And I dressed her wounds
And how I held her
Beneath the rising moon
And she stood to fly
And she stood to fly away”
“And if you don’t love me let me go
And if you don’t love me let me go
And I am a writer, writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home
And I’ve written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones
I am a writer, I am all that you have home”
“Without you I don’t have…
A place that’s safe from all the monsters
That hide in my head and sing me to sleep”
“After it was done when there was nothing left to be
Turned out I’d been following him and he’d been following me
After it was done after it was over
We were just two lovers crying on each other’s shoulder”
“Although maybe all these moments are just in my head
I’ll be thinking ‘bout them as I’m lying in bed
And all that I believe, it might not even come true
But in my mind I’m havin’ a pretty good time with you”
“Put your dreams away for now
I won’t see you for some time
I am lost in my mind
Oh I get lost in my mind”
I’m fidgety and worried
What lies behind the door?
I already know it’s hurried
It scratches and begs
If men are dogs
What dog lies behind this door?
Is it one who pees on the rug
And pretends he didn’t do it?
Or will he run away
To visit another family
And get double the love?
If you get too close
And he’s in a bad mood
Is he going to snap and growl
And carry on?
Bite the hand that feeds?
Does he obey everyone
And never pick a side?
Or will he win the heart
With his cute good looks
And big brown eyes
Begging for your love
Might he be
That perfect puppy,
The one who loves me
Forever and ever?
My hand reaches towards the door
There is something inside
Kicking and screaming
Yelling to be heard
…My instincts?
Have they ever been wrong?
In my hand grasps the cold knob
My fingers squeeze
Preparing to turn
The beast behind the door
Lets out a growl
A growl that unblocks
The sound from my instincts’ cage
My hand flies free
I back away
And listen to the beast
As it carries on
And laments his failure at deception
the buzzer will sound.
and nothing I do can drown,
out the droning.
unvoluntary moaning.
i lurch from the bed.
the covers i shed.
up for the day
up i shall stay
Life is a grand adventure
If you’ll let it be
Who knows where it will take you
Or where it will end
All one can do is pray
Pray that when this adventure ends
Another will take it’s place
And another after that
Without another adventure
What will you do?
Adventures are all a body really knows
They might end sadly
Or they might be grand
But let them keep coming
For that is all we have
I whisper when I scream
I fade when I shine
I tiptoe when I run
I win when I lose
I am what I am not
You cry when I’m happy
You jump when I sit
You fly when I fall
You run when I stay
You are what I am not
He is strong when I am weak
He brings joy when I am sad
He feels love when I am cranky
He will go down so I can go up
He is there when I am not
She is a hurricane when I am a trickle
She is the imagination when I am the practicality
She is dedicated when I am lazy
She is spunk when I am sleepy
She is when I’m not
I may be what I am not
But that makes me
Me
You may be what I am not
But where would we be
Without opposing forces?
He may be there when I am not
But without him
We would both be lost
She may be when I am not
But that is why we are such good friends
Two halves making a whole
Opposites
Contradiction
Making us, us.
I am the character in the book that is too important to die
Yet not worth mentioning
I live in the back of your mind
So as not to startle you when my name is mentioned
I deserve a name
But not a chapter in your book
Not that much of your time
I am a dot on a map
The gold-flecks in your eyes
I exist and am known
But not worth any sort of conversation
I exist in your knowledge,
I live only in your factually memory
I am the moth that flutters at your porch light
You see me there,
I might even captivate your attention for a bit,
But in the end you go back inside
And return to other endeavors
Something of more importance
I am the china in your cupboard
Forgotten until an important occasion
Calls for my retrieval
Then cleaned with care
And packed back into a box
Set aside until a later date
I am a witch in a children’s movie
Too evil and mean to end up a protagonist in the end
But far too nice to be worthy of any real respect
Children will never love me
But nor will they fear me as they drift to sleep
I am dry white bread
I lack the real appeal of white bread, I am not soft and smooth
I act like wheat bread,
But I also lack the nutritional value it has
So I am the loaf that sits
Waiting,
Alone and untouched at the store
Waiting for a sale to redeem me in the buyers’ eyes
I am the kiss of your beloved pet
Loved and appreciated,
But quickly wiped away
Avoided when possible
Slimy and endearing
I am everything loved from your childhood
Tucked away and forgotten
To be brought out when a memory calls
Or your mother feels like embarrassing you
Denial
A constant blunder on my heart
The things I secretly know to be true
But wish could simply fade away
Fade away it never shall
These thoughts that haunt my mind
No wonder I can’t behave normally
My mind it is tormented
And my actions all clouded
I calculate like those I dislike
I fly like those I want grounded
I think like those I wish silenced
And keep quiet like those I want to yell
I fail like those I want to succeed
And succeed where I want others to fail
I complain when I want others to accept
And accept when I should not
I live when I feel I shouldn’t
And despise like I say I can’t
I fear to love with my whole heart
But can’t imagine loving with only pieces
I shatter what I want whole
And scrape together pieces of what can never be
When will I be what I want
Or want what I am
When will I not be an enigma
Or love the enigma I am
I am bright when I want to be dark
And hide in the dark when I need sunshine
I laugh when I want to cry
And cry when I don’t know why
Perhaps one day
I shall live free
Free of these problems
Free of the worries
Denial
Regret
The loathing of my previous action
One day I’ll accept all I’ve done
And know that I am truly forgiven
But
How can I ask forgiveness
When I know it was wrong
When all I feel is guilt
To be forgiven by others
Shouldn’t I forgive myself first
Insights of Shaley 