Denial
A constant blunder on my heart
The things I secretly know to be true
But wish could simply fade away
Fade away it never shall
These thoughts that haunt my mind
No wonder I can’t behave normally
My mind it is tormented
And my actions all clouded
I calculate like those I dislike
I fly like those I want grounded
I think like those I wish silenced
And keep quiet like those I want to yell
I fail like those I want to succeed
And succeed where I want others to fail
I complain when I want others to accept
And accept when I should not
I live when I feel I shouldn’t
And despise like I say I can’t
I fear to love with my whole heart
But can’t imagine loving with only pieces
I shatter what I want whole
And scrape together pieces of what can never be
When will I be what I want
Or want what I am
When will I not be an enigma
Or love the enigma I am
I am bright when I want to be dark
And hide in the dark when I need sunshine
I laugh when I want to cry
And cry when I don’t know why
Perhaps one day
I shall live free
Free of these problems
Free of the worries
Denial
Regret
The loathing of my previous action
One day I’ll accept all I’ve done
And know that I am truly forgiven
But
How can I ask forgiveness
When I know it was wrong
When all I feel is guilt
To be forgiven by others
Shouldn’t I forgive myself first