The Power of Stupid Conversations

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I don’t know about you, but when I try to think about what it is that my friends and I sit and talk about all day long, I can’t really come up with a list. It’s not usually intellectual, that’s not to say we don’t have smart things to say about whatever we’re talking about, but we don’t sit down and discuss the thematic variations of Shakespeare, or the interesting reaction between Sodium and water in Chlorine gas. We talk about stupid things, Scrubs, Better Off Ted, the weird books we’ve read, the bad movies we’ve watched, the weird new games we’ve tried, it leads to hours and hours of conversation because each one leads to another story and another.

I feel so lost when I lose my stupid conversations, it makes me feel like I’ve lost all my fun, like I’ve lost my creative and interesting parts.

This really has come around because it has been months since I’ve seen my best friends, and I miss being able to talk for hours about nothing. My life has become in a rut, and I miss my stupidity.

The Last Relationship Advice You’ll Need

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I have always been the kind of person who seeks advice. Advice about EVERYTHING because I want to hear the affirmation that I am doing the correct thing. And relationship advice was the one I sought the most, for the first 21.5 years of my life I asked advice about every single thing I would say, every action a crush might make, and I would attempt to read into every text, every motion, every smile.

Let me tell you something I’ve learned this last half of a year, something I wish I’d *really* understood. In my opinion, some of the best and last relationship advice you’ll ever need:

If you need advice that is not the right person.

Now I’m not saying this is true about every scenario, I recently took a poll of my male friends and brothers trying to find the BEST first Christmas present for my current boyfriend. But if you need advice and find yourself spending more time analyzing and discussing your significant other or crush than you do actually talking to your significant other or crush, you are not in a good place. The relationship I’ve recently found has worked so well because we have this, sometimes weird, ability to discuss ANYTHING.

No, this is not infallible, I, in particular, have quite a few unnecessary walls, but that’s a post for another day.

My point is that if you can’t talk about your relationship with the person who is actually in the relationship with you, you will not be satisfied.

Babies in your 20s

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Recently it has occurred to me how much life changes during your 20s. Today I’m going to address the situation of having babies.

Not too long ago, pregnant was that terrifying ‘P’ word uttered by my high school peers that were participating in activities I felt we were too young to be doing. At the age of 22 my peers have a very split view of pregnancy: about half are fully prepared and attempting for it (or have already successfully had their babes), and the other half still find it a terrifying word that has repercussions they know their lives are not ready for.

This entire thought has occurred recently because of the news of many of my friends/facebook acquaintances. Many of them are becoming pregnant, and a disappointingly high number of them are experiencing miscarriages. It is an awful thing for them to go through, and I, still being at the “Oh God, please don’t let me get pregnant right now” phase, can’t fathom or help them deal with. Condolences are just not enough to losing a baby you so dearly wanted and had already fallen in love with.

I guess I just can’t get over how big a difference five years’ time makes. Five years ago, as children, some would have prayed for this news (as sad as that is) and would have found being pregnant the end of the world. Now, the miscarriage is the end of the world, and pregnancy is the blessing. It is a weird and uncomfortable thought, because the latter is what I would consider the ‘right’ way of thinking (even though I still fall under the “Oh please don’t let me be pregnant” category.

I guess that is the big difference between being an “adult” and being a child.

I guess I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, but I am keeping my friends in my thoughts and prayers. And it’s given me more to think about, and will probably influence the way I raise my [far, far in the future] children. It’s disturbing, now that I’m an “adult” the way my peers thought back in the day. I hope other children don’t think and feel that way, now that I’ve seen the devastation and heartache that comes with the loss of something so desperately loved. How can you wish that away as a child?

A Little Giant’s Tantrum

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Here’s a small kid’s story that just came to me today. (Like seriously, I was walking around chanting it) when it hit me that I needed to write it down and have one of my awesomely artistic friends look into illustrating it.

He beats the hill
And stomps the ground
A giant’s tantrum looming

The earth will shake
The ground will quake
The little giant fuming

His mother frowns
And looks around
Worried someone is watching

She asks him nice
To be polite
He just continues screaming

She taps her foot
And shakes her head
Her temper is a rising

He throws himself
Upon the ground
Not seeing what is brewing

Her face turns red
Her lips get thin
Another giant seething

Two giants rant
Two giants rail
The hill begins a moving

They’re both too mad
They’re both too loud
They don’t notice it shaking

Rocks sliding down
Trees on the ground
Two giants keep a squalling

The hill topples
Two giants fall
Mother and son are weeping

Let this be a
Lesson to you
When your mother is scolding

A tantrum can
Take down a hill
Or a couple giant things

Just think about
Little ‘ol you
And what a tantrum might bring

Can It Be Too Good to Be True?

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As I snuggled into my boyfriend’s chest one day, his light blue eyes looked down at me and he asked me, “Do you think things can be too good to be true?”

And I had no response for him, not at the time.

Perhaps it is because he has yet to experience the avalanche of thoughts that tend to tumble out of my brain when I’m asked a question that I hadn’t already considered. The back-and-forth, give-and-take, yes-or-no cascade of thoughts that are how I make decisions came to mind, but I closed my mouth and mulled them over silently. More than likely because we haven’t been dating terribly long, and crazy should be allowed to creep up on him so he can accept it gradually, rather than drown in it.

It took me at least a week, but I think I’m prepared to present an answer to this [what should be simple] question: I do not think things can be too good to be true.

I think things can sound too good to be true, things can look too good to be true, but I don’t think things can actually be too good to be true.

Allow me to elaborate, say a car salesman tells you all of these things about a car he wants you to buy, it sounds too good to be true, and it is, because he has slightly falsified or elaborated what he claims, or he is not telling you the whole truth. If you are driving past a home and you think “My, that is my dream house!” and without stepping foot inside of it you purchase it because it looks too good to be true. But to your horror, when you get inside of it, the inside has mold and water damage, and a couple dead bodies. Yup, that house looked too good to be true, and was, because you did not see all of it.

But I do not believe things can actually be too good to be true because once something has reached a state of being, it really is that. So it can’t be too good to be true, because it just is that awesome.

Your best friend that you met in kindergarten did not seem too good to be true, you just thought they were awesome and went with it. Your favorite novel did not seem too good to be true half-way through, you didn’t abandon it for fear of what was on the last page, you just thought it was the most wondrous thing you’d ever read.

Now that’s not to say that things don’t turn out bad in the end, because, well, that does happen. But I don’t think that made them “Too good to be true” at the beginning, just not wholly known.

I find that most people who question whether things are ‘too good to be true’ are not used to having nice or happy things happen to them. So to me, it is a pessimistic phrase, and although I can be terribly sarcastic (bordering on mean) I am not a pessimistic person by nature, and so perhaps that is my particular distaste for the phrase. If something exciting is happening and you are busy questioning “is this too good to be true?” the exciting thing might just pass you by, or you are so worried about being hurt that you refuse to take part in “too good to be true”.

So I guess if I find something that is actually good, rather than question whether it is too good to be true, I accept that I deserve good things to happen to me and just go with it.

I don’t know if that cleared it up, or if I just talked in circles, but, there’s my opinion on the phrase “Too good to be true”.

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Not All Hugs Are Created Equal

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Hugs are an awesome thing. I am one of those people that very rarely will find an extended hug awkward. Most of the time I end hugs because I’m guessing the other person is done or will start to feel awkward if I don’t.

Hugs are like magic. They take away fear, pain, sorrow, or they bond a person in fear, pain, sorrow, joy, merriment, love, and friendships. (The list goes on, of course!)

My personal reason for loving hugs is that I feel safe and wanted. (Not like in a weird wanted way..) I just love that when I hug some of my friends (quite a few of which give awesome hugs) I would totally be ok if time froze. There is just a comforting feeling being invited into someone’s space bubble and then held there, like they don’t care if you never leave.

Then when I start over thinking hugs I worry that my hugs don’t send the same message I get from other’s hugs.

So I’ve come up with a list of hug etiquette:

-Never give bear hugs if you don’t want  to hold someone temporarily hostage inside your space bubble.

-If you are hugging someone dramatically taller than you, you have two choices: Bury your head in their chest or stand on your tip-toes and hug them around the neck. Although the neck might feel more ‘intimate’ I typically find it more friendly/inviting than burying my head in a man’s chest (maybe because I just really like doing that haha)

-If you are hugging someone dramatically shorter than you be prepared for either of the above.

-If you are roughly the same height, attempt to face your head away from the other person early enough that they can subconsciously acknowledge to go the other way. Nothing is more awkward than both your faces being headed in the same direction.

- If you are uncomfortable hugging, just use a freaking handshake. Nothing worse than the awkward wooden hug where the other hugger *knows* you hugged out of force. Forced hugs are like your friend giving you a single M&M. Just enough you crave more, but knowing you aren’t welcome to more.

-A hug needs to be firm enough to provide comfort, if you’re squeezing to try to dislodge a bite of hotdog it should be called the “Heimlich”

-If you are sick or stinky the other person had best be a very very good friend who forgives such things.

-Life is much better when you hug often and honestly. So hug people when you want to and for no reason. I think it spreads joy among the majority.

-Avoid hugging the people who offer handshakes and look very unhappy about hugging. They either a) are uncomfortable hugging people they don’t know well, b) may be worried they smell bad, or c) are not hug-y people. (I don’t understand those people)

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Too Much Cheese For Daily Use

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I can’t be the only female who loves romantically inclined movies, books, songs, etc. Statistically it isn’t possible because something besides my own poor college kid budget keeps funding more of these things. Not that I’m complaining.

However, one thing I’ve noticed about romantically inclined media is that it gives us women these weird ideas of what guys should be saying to us, and what we should in turn be saying to them. Especially, as previously discussed, I don’t handle compliments very well, and my idea of flirting is to seduce someone with my awkwardness. Most things sound great in a romantic comedy, but when Ryan Reynolds isn’t the one sidling up to give you the line it will either make you a) laugh in his face b) become outrageously embarrassed and want to run away and/or c) you will give him an atrocious label (skeevy, gross, nerdy, etc) and giggle about him with your friends. (I’d like to point out this is a two-way street and could totally happen to any of you ladies!)

I was originally going to make a list of romantic lines that, no matter the circumstances, in real life they would just be over the top too cheesy and make you want to laugh. But then I thought about it, and realized that for every line I found there were some real life circumstances and men who could make them work and not make you throw up in your mouth. Every scenario I created involved a lengthy amount of time knowing and dating a guy with a boisterous personality and sense of humor. So instead I made a list of lines that should not be used by the average Joe on the average day. Basically, until your love life actually reaches magically fictitious these lines should not be used because despite the fact that we’ve always WANTED some of these romantic movie scenes to actually unfold, they never work the way they should.

(The only order they are in is the order I thought of them)

  1. “Take hold of my hand, And I’ll do what I can, To make everything right, At least for tonight, If you’ll just take hold of my hand” – Take Hold of My Hand by Dwight Yoakam – This is the song that would make me swoon. The whole thing is great and adorable. This is the one that secretly I’d love a guy to come up and sing the whole thing to me. It sounds great in my head, but I know if a random guy did I’d probably laugh and laugh and laugh and run away.
  2.  “I don’t need this menu, no I don’t, I already know just what I want” – Getting You Home by Chris Young- As cute as it might be if you’re in a relationship presented correctly at the correct time, this would get a drink in your face the rest of the time. 
  3. “Oh I have got a thousand reasons, For you to come away with me, The more I look the better you seem, And I hope that in your heart you see, Cause I believe that you are all I want, Cause I believe that you and I belong” – You and I by Avalanche City – The whole song is adorable, but if a random guy said some of the early verses to me I’d bust up laughing. It would be a great hilarious proposal, though.
  4. “You had me at ‘Hello’” – Jerry Maguire - as heart-felt as it might be, it’s so used now that I would just chuckle and keep moving, I don’t know about the rest of you. 
  5. “Love is too weak a word for what I feel — I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I do, don’t you think I do?” — Annie HallI haven’t seen this one either, but to me this is the best line because it is spontaneous and awesome and sounds like something my friends Abi will one day shout to someone, however if you are the wrong type of person you will only get laughter at best, at worst they will back away very slowly and talk about soothing drinks. 
  6. “Margaret, will you marry me? Because I’d like to date you.” – The Proposal - This is one of those lines that will make you laugh and slightly tear up and cheer all at the same time. But if you had someone wander over and ask you this, you’d reach for the pepper spray before you’d reach for the ring. 
  7. “It is strange to think, I haven’t seen you since a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower; like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to. I next compete in the city of Paris, I will find it empty and in the winter if you are not there. Hope guides me, that is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you’re gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you.” – A Knight’s Tale - Inside Me swoons every time. Because Inside Me craves someone will send me these messages, however the rest of me has actually received poetry akin to this and it made me uncomfortable (to put it mildly…) 
  8. “I have crossed oceans of time to find you.” -Dracula – I mean, it sounds great on paper, but not in real life. Don’t believe me? Say it to your dog with a straight face, I dare you.
  9. “I saw remarkable things, but the only mystery I never solved was why my heart couldn’t let go of you.” – The Illusionist – Yup. No way I could say this to someone with a straight face, not to say that I haven’t cheesily written it in a poem that will never see the light of day, or had the thought flitter across my mind, but NEVER would it cross my lips. Kind of like “cross my lips”. Great in writing, but people look at you funny when it’s said out loud. 
  10. “You should be kissed, every day, every hour, every minute.” – The Lucky One – I haven’t seen this movie, however the line is well known. It is adorable. Every woman wants a man who thinks this about her. But imagine some random guy wandering up to you on the street to avidly insist that he kiss you every minute of every hour of every day.
  11. “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” “As you wish” and “This is true love. You think this happens every day?” from The Princess Bride - If you’re aiming to make me laugh, this will do it, (as will most of them on here) however, if you’re being serious and expect a serious reply, this fictional cheese will not do it. 
  12. “I love you. You’re my only reason to stay alive… if that’s what I am.” – One of the God-awful Twilight gross things. -  And that description adequately explains the pure agony that would go through my body if someone said this to me. The worst thing I can hear is that *I* am your reason for living. I’m sorry, but I don’t care how much you love me, you love something more. Probably sunshine. Or laughter. Or life itself. 
  13. “I’m very discreet but… I will haunt your dreams.” – 40 Year Old Virigin – This line is fantastic for a laugh, and wasn’t taken seriously in the movie, but I felt it needed to make the list.
  14. “Give me the keys and I’ll drive you crazy.” – Huey Lewis and the News – great song, everybody knows it, everybody wants somebody who will just drive them out of their mind, but you’d just laugh if they asked like that. 
  15. “Will you say to them when I’m gone, ‘I loved your son for his sturdy arms, We both learned to cradle then live without’” – Each Coming Night by Iron and Wine - I am not a man, but I assume that something (maybe less poetic) has entered a guy’s mind, ‘what would she say to my parents if I died right now’? But that’s not something you can just ask, is it? 
  16. “Without you here, honey, I’m a melody, Living in a world that can’t hear sound” – Without You Here by Eric Church – Swoon worthy, the whole song, really, but if it’s not put to lyrics and sang to a general populace it just wouldn’t have the same affect. 
  17. “Would you love me? Always trust me? Would you love me if it won’t hurt you at all?” – Would You Love Me by Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband – Fantastic question. I’ve had it in the back of my head a few times. But it lives in fiction and song lyrics, not the real world.
  18. “You have bewitched my body and soul. I love, I love, I love you..” –Pride and Prejudice I will admit I’ve never actually seen this movie, however the line is fantastic if you’ve known a man for years. But, again, “You have bewitched my body and soul” is *not* a good pick-up line at a bar!
  19. “How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world” and “Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!” – Moulin RougeThe whole premise of this movie is that love is important and revolutionary and worth fighting for. But you can’t pull an Ewan McGregor and fall in love within the first five minutes and expect singing her these songs to work. That’s FictionLand boys and girls.
  20.  “Sometimes the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring” – Big Fish – As a proposal I would laugh and love it, however I, as you might have finally realized, am not a serious person. A lot of Ewan McGregor quotes from Big Fish are great, too. 
  21. “Look, I guarantee there’ll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point in time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you’re the only one for me.”  -Runaway BrideThis line is great, however if speaking that openly and honestly is the right thing to do, use your own words, not some wise movie script writer’s! 
  22. “You make me wanna be a better man.” - As Good As it Gets - Despite the fact the actor gives me the creeps, this is pretty good. Every woman wants to feel like she is doing something productive in the world and helping lives, however this is one of those lines that is only acceptable if it is immediately followed by a proposal. Or something that will distract me from the fact that you just said something so soul-opening that I can’t come up with a response. As an opening introduction, I will question your sanity. “Hi, I’m Bob. I saw you over there and you make me wanna be a better man.” No thanks Bob.
  23. “But if I don’t show it lately, It’s just ’cause I’m a little bit crazy, Don’t think my days of lovin’ you are through, ‘Cause I still do” – I Still Do by Reckless Kelly- I’ve always wanted someone to say this to me, secretly. But it’d have to be the right guy in the right way after I asked just the right question, otherwise you’d risk border-line to extreme cheese. 
  24. “Like the Dead Sea, You told me I was like the Dead Sea, You’ll never sink when you are with me, Oh Lord, like the Dead Sea” – The Dead Sea by The Lumineers –  I LOVE the poetry in this. But I wouldn’t recommend walking up to someone and calling them your Dead Sea. I doubt it’d go over well…
  25. “I got a few more things I’d like to say to you tonight, You don’t need to change a thing about you babe, I’m telling you, From where I sit you’re one of a kind, Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry, But the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind” – The Guy That Says Goodbye To You Is Outta His Mind by Griffin House – I love this song. Pretty much any time a guy expresses disinterest I listen to this and pretend he’s singing it to me. But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t turn 21 shades of red and try to hide if a guy said this to me.
  26. And finally: Pretty much everything I give up.Cory said to Topanga on Boy Meets World from out childhood.

I know that I’ve missed thousands of adorable ones. But my point is this: Next time you are waiting for a real man to sweep you off your feet with something coy and sweet, remember he doesn’t have a team of writing wracking their brains to give him a hand, and if he did you would be disappointed by what they came up with because they weren’t from *him*. Let fiction stay in fiction, and avoid the cheese for daily use.